"We must be the change we wish to see" M.K. Gandhi

A Friendlier Church

Building Community–Creating a Friendlier Environment—Idea #1

If you hold membership classes, consider having a dinner (or potluck) after every other class and invite the members from both classes to attend. It’s a great way to connect new people with other new people—and that is very important. If new people only feel connected to you, the minister, and don’t make friends with other members of your church, they are unlikely to stay with you. (It’s one way to help close the back door) 

Building Community–Creating a Friendlier Environment—Idea #2

There are those in your church who are very proud of you, your ministry and Unity and want to share their church with others. What we have done that has proved quite successful, is this: we have created a "Sharing Unity Ministry." On Sunday mornings we have a "Sharing Unity" table set up. On the table we have a variety of free literature about the church and Unity: our church brochure, business cards, free tapes of Sunday messages or tapes of our radio spots, direct mailer pieces, free Unity pamphlets, etc. The table is hosted with wonderful, outgoing, enthusiastic Unity people. We encourage congregants who want to "share Unity" with friends or co-workers to visit that table and pick up whatever literature or tapes they would like to give to their friend or co-worker.

Building Community–Creating a Friendlier Environment—Idea #3

Have staff members or key leaders meet to discuss and agree upon shared values. Business leaders talk about the importance of "corporate culture." I think this is true of churches as well. A very meaningful way to help create that culture—and support it—is to bring together your leaders to discuss (and reach consensus on) what it is that you as a ministry truly value. 

Building Community–Creating a Friendlier Environment—Idea #4

Have a photo wall of Who’s Who at your church—staff, board, minister, key volunteers, leaders, etc. The more your church grows, the harder it is for people to know one another. That’s not bad. It’s simply a fact of life. This is something you can do about it, though, to at least let your members know whom your staff, board, key volunteers are.

Building Community–Creating a Friendlier Environment—Idea #5

Call your members on their birthdays. You’ll be amazed at how much this means to folks, especially when they receive a brief call from you when its your day off, or when they know you’re on vacation. Even with a church as large as ours is, it is relatively easy (and not very time consuming at all) to stay on top of this. Our membership application forms have a place for people to put their birthday. At the beginning of the year, and after every membership class, I have a secretary or volunteer enter these birthdays in my day planner. For example: If a member has a birthday on September 12^th, my secretary will enter that person’s name and telephone number on the September 12^th page of my day planner. Then, when the day comes, and I look at my "to do list," I see the person’s name and phone number and I know it is their birthday. (It seems that a call from their minister on their birthday, is even more appreciated than a birthday card).

Important bit of advice: It’s safer to acknowledge people’s birthdays than anniversaries. In a large church, it can be difficult to keep track of divorces and you may find yourself in an awkward situation.

Building Community–Creating a Friendlier Environment—Idea #6

Consider installing a motorized projection screen to show the words of your songs rather than using hymnals. It will help create a warmer environment, and improve your congregation’s singing because folks will be looking up--instead of look down into their hymnals. If you’d like to know about the equipment we use, call us at (619) 689-6500.

Building Community–Creating a Friendlier Environment—Idea #7

If you believe there are many paths to God, say so as part of your welcome to newcomers. It really says something about how inclusive Unity is and is a comment that surprises and pleases many first time guests. We have been told again and again that it was part of the reason a first timer decided to return. This will give you a "feel" for how we do it at Church of Today, San Diego: We want to take a moment to specially welcome those of you who are visiting for the first time. This is the Church of Today and we are part of the worldwide Unity movement. Something that we think makes Unity very different is that-—just as our name implies—we believe in one loving God; and we believe that there are many different paths to that One God. No one path—even our own—is right for everyone. So, wherever you are in journey of faith, we welcome you here. . . . ." 

Building Community–Creating a Friendlier Environment—Idea #8

Take an honest look at how friendly your congregation is to outsiders. Most every congregation thinks it’s friendly. But many newcomers do not find that to be so. Your congregation may be friendly--but friendly to each other--not to newcomers. One of the ways a congregation can "appear" unfriendly to newcomers is if your members are seen visiting before and after church with the same people week after week. Strong friendships are made at church and it is only natural for your members to want to visit with the people they like. It’s not at all that you want to discourage that. But it is helpful to encourage your members to think about how "unfriendly" or "cliquish" that might look to a newer attendee. Encourage your members (while visiting with their friends) to keep their eyes open to those who "look new" or "appear to be alone" and acknowledge them—or better yet—invite them to join in the conversation. (This is the kind of "information" or "training" I provide to my board members, staff, leaders and key volunteers during our monthly training sessions.) 

Building Community–Creating a Friendlier Environment—Idea #9

Be sure to install changing tables (for babies) in the men’s room as well as the woman’s rest rooms. It really sends a message to the moms and dads that your church cares about the little ones and recognizes dad’s important (and changing role) in parenting. 

Building Community–Creating a Friendlier Environment—Idea #9

There is tremendous value of hosting special events for key leaders in your home. It makes them feel special to be in the minister’s home. You might consider hosting a Christmas party for your key leaders and let it be a time that you really extend your appreciation to them for all they give to the church throughout the year. 

Building Community–Creating a Friendlier Environment—Idea #10

Practice introducing new people to other new people. New folks need to get connected with others--not just the minister If their only connection is with you, the minister, they are unlikely to stay with your church very long.

Building Community–Creating a Friendlier Environment—Idea #11

From some of my colleagues in the Wesleyn church, I learned about the "three-minute rule." At the end of the service, members and regular attendees of your church are asked to spend the first three minutes after the service ends, noticing new people (as well as those who are alone) and making a point of engaging them in conversation. You can "train" your members about this in membership classes, or with meetings you hold with your leaders, staff, board and key volunteers or you can even teach your members about this with an insert in your bulletin. It can be very effective—and helps to break the appearance of your church being "cliquish." (Special acknowledgement to Reverend John Mawell and Skyline Wesleyan Church, San Diego, California where we first hear of the "three-minute" rule). 

Building Community–Creating a Friendlier Environment—Idea #12

Consider having your children enter in at the end of your service to sing your closing song with the adults. It tends to make a very favorable impression on newcomers and it is an easy way of involving the children in the Sunday service without disrupting the flow or professionalism of the service. 

Building Community–Creating a Friendlier Environment—Idea #13

At Church of Today, San Diego, I end our service from the back of the sanctuary (after singing the "Peace Song" or "It’s In Everyone Of Us") and I say … please take a moment now to recognize the person standing to your right. Give their hand a gentle squeeze and hold them in loving prayer. Whether you know them or not, what you do know is that they are a child of God. And whatever it is they are working toward or working through this week, God in them is big enough. (And then I repeat this for the person standing to their left.) And now, take a moment to honor whatever it is you felt from Spirit this morning, and know that you will have the power within you this week to follow that "still small voice." (We then end with our Prayer of Protection, led by one of our Sunday school children). 

Building Community–Creating a Friendlier Environment—Idea #14

If you end your service with a closing prayer, such as the Prayer of Protection, consider having a child lead the prayer from time to time. It’s another way to give your children visibility and the sound of a child praying tends to really capture people’s attention.

Building Community–Creating a Friendlier Environment—Idea #15

Instruct your ushers to bring first timers directly to you in line—letting them take cuts, if you will. This is one way for a newcomer to meet at least the usher and you (and not leave without having made a connection with anyone. (Do be sure your ushers, are sensitive to whether the person would appreciate this or not. Most of the time, we have found that new people really like being introduced to the minister. But sometimes, they don’t want that at all. Ask your ushers to take their lead from the guest.) 

Building Community–Creating a Friendlier Environment—Idea #16

Make written notes to yourself of new people you meet on Sunday. Then when writing them a welcome note, say something about the conversation you had with them in line that previous Sunday. It can be very brief and very simple and it will make quite an impression.

I simply spend a few minutes in my office after each service and I write down the names (the ones I remember) of those I was introduced to in line and anything I might remember about the conversation. Perhaps they just moved to this area and came from another Unity church, or they found us from the radio spots, whatever. Then, when I sign the first timer welcome letters on Monday morning, I check to see if I remember any of the names and conversations I had with them. Then, at the bottom of their letter, I write a simple, one-line comment about our meeting.