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Communications/Language
Communication/Language—Idea #1 When you’re going to introduce something new or different in the church—changing the order of service, adding a new piece of equipment, rearranging the seating, whatever it may be—rather than calling it a "change" refer to it as an "experiment." Use the word "explore" rather than "decide." We’re going to "experiment" with a new order of service for a while; we’re going to "experiment" going to two services for awhile. We’re going to explore some new approaches to outreach. The value of this language is that if you’ve made a change that proves to be a really bad one, you’ve left yourself a big, open door to escape gracefully. You can simply say, "You know, we thought this was going to be a really good change, but it wasn’t, so we’re going to "experiment" with another approach, or we’re going to go back to what we were doing before."
Communication/Language—Idea #2 Give thought to the words you say during your offering time. Not just your offering blessing or affirmation. But how you invite people into the process of thinking about their gift and preparing their gift. Though you will probably want to be brief, it can be a powerful moment of teaching that you don’t want to miss. Change it from time to time, too; to keep it fresh and to keep the education about giving going.
Communication/Language—Idea #3 Though there are two very distinct schools of thought about whether to call any attention to new people or not. I think the words you say—and how you say them--is what really makes the difference. Below you will find the words we use at Church of Today, San Diego to welcome new people. "To those of you who are here for the first time, we’re really glad to have you. We know there are many other places you could choose to be today. We’re honored you’ve chosen to visit us. Unity is offers an open and positive approach to God. We believe there is one God, called by many different names and found through many different paths. There isn’t only one path, not even ours! So, wherever you are in your journey of faith, you are welcome here. If you live in the area and are looking for a spiritual community, we hope you’ll check us out for awhile to see if we are the right fit for you. Obviously, we hope you will find what you are looking for here at Church of Today, but if you don’t, we encourage you to keep on looking. We know you will find a spiritual path and a community that is right for you. Our ushers have a guest packet that we’d like to give to you. It contains a cassette tape that briefly answers the question "What is Unity," and printed information about this Unity church and the programs we offer. If this is your first visit, we’d really like to you. We’re not going to put you on the spot. You don’t have to stand or saying anything. We’d just like to have you raise your hand so we can welcome you and our ushers can give you the guest packet. So who’s here for the first time today? (Note: We have found two things very helpful to do at this point. 1) I hold raise my hand at the end to prompt first timers to raise theirs …. And 2) the congregation knows to start applauding for our visitors as soon as my hand goes up. They do not wait for the visitors to raise their hands first before they start clapping. WE also have a sentence in our bulletin that explains how we welcome new people.)
Communication/Language—Idea #4 What can you say to people who say the church is getting too big? Try to remember that when someone is saying this, what they are really saying between the lines is "I’m afraid I might get lost in the crowd, you might not know I’m here anymore, or I may not count any more." Sometimes I will answer by posing a question: "Too big for what?" You can learn a lot from their answer. I also always find a gentle way to use it as a time to teach that others before them have had that concern too, and thank God we all found a way to work through that, because if we didn’t the "doors" may have been closed to them. I try to appeal to the heart and invite them to see a much larger picture—Who is it that they would suggest we shut our doors to? Are we really saying, "Now that I’ve found the church, we can close the doors. What if those who came before them had felt the church was big enough?" Most people have never thought about it from this perspective. They have never considered the bigger picture. I think one of our most important jobs as ministers is to constantly be teaching about the bigger picture and do it softly, kindly and gently.
Communication/Language—Idea #5 "Welcomed but not watched" are helpful words to use when training your ushers or greeters. We want people to feel welcomed at the church, but we don’t want to go overboard to where they feel "watched."
Communication/Language—Idea #6 Don’t put a "no" in another’s mouth. This is very helpful to remember when asking busy individuals to volunteer for positions/responsibilities in the church. Often the best person for a position is already busy. And sometimes they will not be able to take anything else on. But it is always better to ask anyway—and not assume they will say "no." Avoid the temptation to "put a no" in their mouth.
Communication/Language—Idea #7 Water or gasoline? This phrase is one I learned from my Wesleyn colleagues. It paints a powerful and easy-to-remember picture. I explain to board members, staff, key leaders and volunteers that a large part of their job is to make my job as spiritual leader of the church easier—not harder. I tell them that everyone—member or not—carries with them two buckets when they’re at the church. A water bucket and a bucket of gasoline. Gossiping, criticism, side-ways communication, anonymous complaints at best are like smoldering embers in the church—at worse they can become a blazing inferno. Each of them can—and whether they like it or not, does—make a difference as to whether the smoldering embers get put out or become a blazing, spreading inferno. When they speak lovingly and truthfully on behalf of the church (or if they don’t have the answers, but they direct the person to go direct to the person they have an issue with rather than going side-ways) they are pouring water on the embers and stopping the potential fire right there. If they add to the drama, they are definitely pouring gasoline on the situation and making it worse. But (and this is the one that surprises them most of all) if they just stand there and listen and don’t say anything at all that action is almost always perceived as agreement by the other person (the complainer) and it has the same affect as adding gasoline to the smoldering ember. (This is an area that I do a lot of training around—sometimes one-on-one as situations arise and sometimes in training sessions.) Communication/Language—Idea #8 Don’t take the problem solving phase into the decision-making phase. If you have a big project to do, change to make or dream to realize, be sure you separate problem solving from decision making. Approach the decision making phase with this thought—"If we knew that somehow all the problems could be solved, what would we do then? Would we go ahead with this project? Would we say "yes" to this opportunity? What would our answer be?" If you find that you would say "yes" you would go forward, then that is the right thing to do. Yes, you will need to solve the problems and they might be quite large. But once you get at the heart of whether the thing is good and right in and of itself, regardless of the problems involved, you will put yourself in a much stronger position to be able to address and solve whatever problems there are.
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